Bismillah.....

I've just got home from the hospital, from the internist to check what might happen to be the cause of the inflammation in my left eye. What I got is the suggestion to do another lab check, the blood and urine test. Again. It's been scary months to go to the doctors over and over again. To hear what the doctors are saying. To have medicines continuously entering your body. And to have this negative thinking inside your mind, the fear of not getting better yet the hope to get well really soon. Notice that I wrote doctors and not doctor? Yes, I've been to some doctors, not only one. An eye-doctor (I don't know what it is called, an ophthalmologist, maybe?), an internist, and a dentist. I am just....... scared. Hearing lots of unfamiliar medical terms and looking them up in the internet apparently is a bad idea because you'll know that you are facing something serious, that you just helplessly rely on the doctor and praying to God to cure your disease. What it feels like to know that there are antibodies in your blood that work against your own body? What makes it worse is I know there's something wrong with my mindset. The process of curing my disease needs me to have a positive thinking, to have me believe that I will get better. I must not over thinking and get stressed because it does affect the condition of my body. It would be easy if I were optimistic so I would not be as worry as I am right now. But the fact that I'm more a pessimistic one is being a big problem here. I am not saying that I enjoy being pessimist, but you know that feeling when you feel that you have no control over whatever happens to your life, when you're not sure whether everything is going to be fine or not. I've been trying hard not to easily stressed out, to face anything calmly and being confidently optimistic, but it seems that I still have to try harder with some extra efforts. Wish me luck, please? :")

Bismillah. Believe that Allah does not burden any human being with more than he is well able to bear :)